17-year-old refuses to go on girls trip to Southeast Asia because her friends are too inexperienced, friends are annoyed that she's 'ruining their holiday': 'What I was most afraid of was safety issues'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 18, 2025 10:00 PM EST

Travel isn't for everyone, despite what you might think if you scrolled through any dating app. Travel can be expensive, time-consuming, and energy-consuming. Plus, if you've never done it before, there's probably a lot that you will have to learn. Travel takes a certain amount of skill. Or at least confidence. This is especially true if you're traveling to a country where you don't speak the language. You might be intimidated to ask questions, and you might end up in a tricky situation if you don't have some level of street smarts. You can end up in precarious positions, especially as a young woman traveling to a new place. This should by no means stop you from exploring the world. The world is a lot friendlier a place than our worst fears imagine it to be. You just have to approach it with the right attitude and some level of know-how. 

This can take time. Maybe you start small with a trip inside your own country before branching out to parts completely unknown. That's what one young woman wanted to do, but her friends weren't willing to hear her. 

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  • A group of teenage girls sit on a bench while traveling.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • When a group of teenagers was planning a trip, they had a pretty big one in mind. They wanted to go halfway across the world all by themselves. And while certain teenagers could handle that kind of trip with aplomb, one of them knew that she couldn't. But her friends were upset with her for saying so. Read on to see what happened in this story. 

  • AITAH for ruining my girls holiday with my friends?

    17f My friend-group consists of 4 girls with one of us already 18, I only mention our ages because I feel like it's important.
    via u/ilovechemistryx
  • On two occasions in which I wasn't present, my friends discussed/spitballed the possibility of going to Southeast Asia next summer. One of them especially became really fixated on the idea and kind of said "we are going". They brought up the idea to me and at first I was honest about my fears and let them know that it's really far and I would feel really uncomfortable.
    via u/ilovechemistryx
  • Throughout my whole childhood my parents sheltered me. I've only really focused on school and my couple friends, I don't party or mingle with too much people so I'm usually at home. So YES I'm scared of packing my bags and travelling with 3 teenage girls for a couple weeks, especially because I'll still be 17 then, I'm not even sure my mother would allow me.
    via u/ilovechemistryx
  • What I was most afraid of was safety issues. I expressed that if something happened to us, for example if one of us had a medical emergency would we even have the insurance to be treated? We have free healthcare over here (GOD BLESS THE NHS) and I sometimes especially when I'm travelling get REALLY sick and I'm usually down for a couple days on fluids but that's with the security of my family looking out for me.
    via u/ilovechemistryx
  • My friend got really mad at me and said that bad things happen everywhere and that im being bad vibes. Originally she was super excited and was going on and on about it but I never knew that they established that as a location. As I was never apart of the conversation.
    via u/ilovechemistryx
  • We had a back and forth for a while and now I can tell that everybody is annoyed that I didn't say yes to the original plan. I feel like I ruined their holiday tbh and I hate being the boring one.
    via u/ilovechemistryx
  • Three women laugh and take a selfie together.
    via Unsplash+ (A. C.)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters gave their ideas about this story.

    DilithiumCrystal Meth 1d ago NTA, you don't feel • comfortable going to another country. End of story. You are aloud to not be comfortable and choose to not go. honestly it sounds like you pointed out the dangers of a group of teenage girls traveling to a different country by themselves and they didn't like hearing it because they don't want to think about it.
    via u/DilithiumCrystalMeth
  • ilovechemistryx OP 1d ago • We are a pretty inexperienced bunch I'm concerned is all.
    via u/ilovechemistryx
  • DilithiumCrystal Meth 1d ago I've traveled to a couple countries. It can be fun, but there are things you have to be careful about. Even more so for women. If no one speaks the native language it can be difficult to find your way around depending on where you are, and people will mark you has people to possibly scam. With that said, if everyone is on the same page and looking out for each other, it can be fun.
    via u/DilithiumCrystalMeth
  • robotcrackle · 1d ago . NTA - you're not ruining anything. They're just talking about it at this point so your anxiety is just over a conversation. But suggest a weekend trip somewhere first if you want.
    via u/robotcrackle
  • Tell them the truth you dont have travel experience and you need baby steps. If they get actually mad about this, do not go with them. You do not want to be going through a friendship breakup while on holiday in a foreign country.
    via u/robotcrackle
  • KrofftSurvivor 1d ago . NTA You're not ruining - anything If they want to go, what's stopping them? Are they expecting you to pay for this trip or something? If they can't go because one girl won't go, that's on them.
    via u/KrofftSurvivor
  • picklepowerPB 1d ago NTA. I'm 30F, wasn't wildly sheltered, and even in HS I would never travel to SE Asia with 3 teenage girls, especially knowing I (personally, no matter what I do) get gut-shock overseas. Your safety concerns are absolutely valid!
    via u/picklepowerPB
  • Disastrous_Role_202 1d ago NAH Honestly Eastern Europe would be a safer and cheaper option. Maybe try communicating your boundaries, like to what extent you agree, where and what you're comfortable?
    via u/Disastrous_Role_202
  • LadyQuad 1d ago You didn't ruin their trip, and you can choose to stay home. They can go without you and have a good time, with your best wishes. Discuss this with your mom. Like you said, she may forbid your participation, especially if you let her know you don't really want to go.
    via u/LadyQuad
  • Fear_The_Rabbit • 1d ago NAH - right now. I know you'd rather go somewhere else with your friends, but if they really want to go to Southeast Asia, are you going to expect them to change the plans or are you just not going to go?
    via u/Fear_The_Rabbit
  • unlimited_insanity 1d ago NTA, but as a practical solution, can you throw your parents under the bus? Because when I was growing up, my mom said if anyone ever asked me to do something that made me uncomfortable, I should tell them my mother would kill me
    via u/unlimited_insanity
  • if I did that, so no way, not happening. It's entirely believable that your parents would object to their minor daughter traipsing to a different continent. Even after 18, people generally understand "my parents won't let me as long as I'm living with them and I'm not in a position to realistically move out."
    via u/unlimited_insanity
  • CoverCharacter8179 · 1d ago My first reaction is you shouldn't feel too bad because this trip sounds like a completely unrealistic fantasy. Like you might as well say, "the girls wanted to go to Mars but I said Mars is scary and now I feel bad for letting them down."
    via u/CoverCharacter8179
  • But maybe I'm the sheltered one and am being clueless. So, INFO: Who will be paying for this, and if it's the girls themselves, how? Are the parents of the other three girls totally cool with this idea? And, is it even legal? (I mean, at the very least I have to think you, as a minor,
    via u/CoverCharacter8179
  • would have to have some legal documents from your parents saying that they give you permission to leave the country with these other teenagers. And I have to tell you, I think I'm a pretty cool, laidback guy but if I was your dad there is no way I would sign off on this.)
    via u/CoverCharacter8179
  • dolceclavier 1d ago NTA . It's really not the best idea to travel to Southeast Asia right now, especially for a group of underaged girls.
    via u/dolceclavier
  • • ReadMeDrMemory 1d ago NTA. Your concerns are reasonable. If they want to go without you, they can. "We all go or nobody goes" may be no more than an attempt to manipulate you, or it may be be a way for a couple of the others to back out gracefully, since not everybody is equally enthusiastic.
    via u/ReadMeDrMemory
  • . HedyHarlowe 1d ago NTA - I don't think you're an asshole. I think it's a vibe thing. Anxiety from being sheltered and wanting to stay sheltered is going to kill the vibe for friends who are excited to travel and see the world. You have different wants. You like consistency and predictability and they want something different. Not right or wrong but the chemistry of the friendships. may be affected.
    via u/HedyHarlowe

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